I  have never been hospitalised, been prescribed medication, had a mental breakdown or been treated for mental health problems.  However, a few years ago I experienced a difficult time in my life and I needed help. This is my story.
In Jan. 2006, a close friend and myself were out for a drive, and we were chatting about our lives, our problems etc. As the conversation went on I became more and more relaxed in the surroundings.  It was then for the very first time I shared with my friend what had happened to me as a child.  I told her that I had been sexually abused. The abuse had started when I was around 7 years old and lasted until I was about 11 years old. At first she was shocked as she had always taken me to be a strong-willed person, and we had told each other everything.  She then asked me if she knew the abuser or was it a family member.  I told her it was not a family member.  It was my babysitter.  She asked me the person’s name and I told her.  At this stage we had stopped the car.  I can remember sitting there with tears streaming down my face.  It was then that I glanced over and could see that she was upset too. She asked if I felt comfortable to talk more about it.  It was at that point that I told her all the details, but I still didn’t feel ready to tell anyone else. 
 About a month later my friend and I had a major fight, and the friendship ended.  It was at this stage I felt that my whole life was falling apart, as I now felt I had no one else to talk to about what had happened.  I felt all alone again.  I tried to carry on as best I could, but with pressures from work and the abuse preying on my mind, it all became too much, and I considered taking my own life.  I sat there with my Dad’s pills laid out on the bed and I had the bottle of vodka in the other hand, thinking this would be the easy way out, but I couldn’t do it.  I knew it would break my parents’ heart if I did.  Then I decided to contact the telephone counselling service, which was available through my workplace.  It was suggested to me that I have one-to-one counselling.  After a number of weeks I found that there was a free service of which I could avail.
 I remember at first being very afraid of opening up to a total stranger, but through her guidance and help it became easier as the sessions went on.  Through the sessions it also made me realise how isolated I had made myself.  After a number of weeks she suggested that I look into attending a GROW meeting.  One day I saw a poster for GROW, and it was then that I decided to attend a meeting.  My mother accompanied me to a Monday night meeting.  To be honest, I don’t think I would have gone if she had not come with me.  At first it was a bit of a shock to me to see people sitting down around a table talking about their problems so openly.  I felt they made me feel very welcome that night even though I was a total stranger to them. So I decided to give the meeting another go by myself, and settled on trying Wednesday night.  That was Sept. 2006.
 The Wednesday group was where I felt more at home, because the people there were more my own age, and I felt comfortable talking to them. The meetings consist of discussing problems with the group and taking weekly tasks. I was given fairly easy tasks to do at first, but they gradually became more challenging until I found myself doing stuff I thought was simply not possible.  The very first task I got was “to make the bed”.  I used never make my bed in the morning, thinking it was a waste of time, because it was only going to get messed up again. I used to take to my room an awful lot around that time, and for when I was feeling down it was suggested to me that “Feelings are like the weather, they are in fact a sort of internal weather. I just have to go on living through its changes as I do with the weather outside and the bad weather can’t last.”
 I am really fortunate that my group is so active in the area with regular meeting up for coffee and cinema, outings etc.  We have a weekly get-together in a city centre café at 7 o’clock every Sunday.  Now at last I can go to the cinema by myself whenever I choose.  I go for walks alone. Before GROW that would not have been possible for me. It has made such a difference to me both personally and socially, and very much helped my long-term growth. Last Nov.  I attended a GROW Leadership Training Day and really enjoyed both the training and making new friends in GROW from other parts of the Region.
 Where I’m at now: I’m a really busy guy, walking every evening, watching what I’m eating and doing the ‘right and healthy thing’. A few months ago I started a computer course with FAS, which I recently completed. Recently I moved to work in a job more suited to my skills, and I feel I am really making progress. At times it is challenging, but I continue to remind myself that “If the rough road gets you there, and the smooth one doesn’t, which one are you going to choose?”
 Many of the people in Grow I have met have been hospitalised, and are taking medication.  Mine was a different journey. I celebrate the direction my life has taken, and the wonderful growth that has accompanied it. Thank you.