I would usually become sick from being in a situation which would put me under a lot of pressure. I would become elated, confused and paranoid. Things which I could do before became harder to achieve. I would set my personal goals and standards up so high that before I reached them I would have a break down.
Once I reached a certain point where I couldn’t go on I would slip out of reality.  It would start with paranoia which tortured me inside. Then delusions would begin and then eventually I would have to go to hospital. I didn’t understand that I was experiencing bipolar disorder. It came to a stage where I would even tell someone that I had a mental illness and I still didn’t fully believe or accept it.  Eventually I accepted the fact that I had an illness that needed to be treated and I could then move on and help myself.
How I felt at the time:
I felt confused. Reality was blurred everything seemed imaginary. Everything around me felt unstable including myself.
Some examples:
There were a few examples of when I experienced this issue. I travelled to America for a summer and while I was there I worked long hours in a labour intensive job. I worked 12 hour shifts. This eventually caught up to me and one night when I was trying to sleep I thought I heard noises outside and thought someone was trying to break in. As the night drew on I had become so confused. I thought I was being possessed by evil spirits. I didn’t sleep that night and started the morning as if nothing had happened. I was mentally ill but because I was I would be the last person to know it. At that point in time I couldn’t see the symptoms. It was a learning experience

Another experience occurred at home where I was working in a stressful environment with deadlines. I worked for two years in this job. First was the stress, then came paranoia, then delusions. Because I couldn’t see the signs of myself slipping I was unable to prevent my breakdown. People around me were unaware because I hid as much as I could. Eventually a lot more people started to see as it became obvious. Symptoms included laughing out of place and strange gestures and facial expressions. My family were hurt by this very much as they tried to get me to go to hospital, I refused and the doctors could not commit me unless I was a harm to myself or to others. It was a horrible scenario, especially for my family.

How did I deal with this issue
At first I denied the fact that anything was wrong with me. No one wants to admit they have faults.

How successful I was in dealing with this issue
Eventually after not taking my medication and been hospitalised again, I grew to accepted my illness. I matured as a person with bi-polar.
Everything seemed a lot clearer after that. I became a healthier person physically and mentally with the help of a good lifestyle and compliance with medication.

During GROW – Some weekly tasks that helped
Task I was given to help with this issue
Take my time with everyday tasks. Not to rush into anything. Take it one day at a time
Was the task difficult?
I’m still doing it.
Was I successful?
Yes slowly but surely.
Did I feel the task was relevant?
Very
Parts of the program that I found useful
“Go by what you know not by what you feel”

Another task I was given to help with this issue
Improve sleep pattern by reading before bed, taking less to eat before I was about to sleep. Listen to relaxing music.
Was the task difficult?
Yes I’m still trying new techniques
Was I successful?
Yes, my sleep has improved
Did I feel the task was relevant?
Yes I did, my sleep is directly related to my mood.

Parts of the program that I found useful
“Don’t cultivate weeds – thoughts in the mind are like plants in the ground”

Where I’m at now:
What insights have I gained about this topic?
Not to trust all your thoughts and emotions. Take each day as it comes. I know now that when problems occur I use coping strategies to control them and never let them grow. Most importantly be true to yourself and learn to grow from mistakes.

Has my view changed on this topic?
I am not as scared as I was before. I am more open about myself and my feelings. I don’t hide from the truth and I discuss my problems with the right people.
What do I do differently now when dealing with this topic?
Discuss my difficulties openly with medical staff. I take my medication regularly. I listen to people’s views on my health but have learnt over time that although all are caring comments only few are right. I listen to myself first and seek guidance and support when needed. I am able to identify early symptoms now and act accordingly.
Am I more successful in dealing with it?
Definitely, although it’s still there I have accepted it and have moved onto to coping with it.
What parts of the program do I find most helpful when dealing with this issue?
“Go by what you know and not by what you feel”
What advice would I give to someone who may be dealing with this issue?
Talk openly with the right people. Take your medication. Without medication you might slip into your own world.  Be thankful for the support you get. Try and keep a positive attitude