I was quiet, withdrawn and shy as a child. I worried constantly and was very sensitive to what people thought and said of me.

I suffered in silence from a very young age. During this time fear prevented me from doing things I wanted to do, from saying things I wanted to say. I seldom spoke unless spoken to and even then I didn’t answer, only to say yes or no.

When I talk people would not hear me because I was not loud enough, this caused me a lot of stress. If the phone rang, I would not answer it.

I passed my Inter Cert. The following year I repeated the exam and did worse. I was so ashamed of failing. This convinced me I was a failure. I isolated myself because that was my way of coping at the time. I decided to look for help because I was no longer able to cope on my own. I had accepted that I was mentally ill. I admitted myself to hospital. I was there for three weeks. This did not help at that time because I found it difficult to express how I was feeling. After three weeks, I was discharged.

I was admitted to hospital several times between 1995-2000. I do not remember what happened during this period as I was heavily sedated. My last admission was in June 1999. I had no interest in communicating with people or personal hygiene. My thinking was not reasonable as my thoughts became suicidal. It was at this point a nurse was assigned to me day and night. I did not act normally. I had to be showered, dressed and fed as I was not capable of doing just the ordinary everyday things in life we all take for granted.

I joined GROW in August 2000. I was asked to go by my community nurse. Reluctantly I went. Mike Watts (National Program Co-Ordinator of GROW) was speaking about his experiences. I could relate to what he was saying which encouraged me to continue to go to the meetings. The group accepted me for who I am, encouraged me to continue to go to the meetings. I realised that I did not have to struggle alone with my problems anymore. I began to credit myself with progress instead of running myself down every time I did not succeed. Whenever I became sick it was my responsibility to get well.

I am looking forward to each day now, not dreading what tomorrow will be like as I always did.