Before I started at GROW I was unhappy in my life. I was in a low place and was crying all the time and pushing everyone close to me away. I was functioning on a needs must basis as I had to go to work but wanted to do nothing else. Anything that went wrong in my life I would have someone else or something else to blame instead of taking responsibility for it myself. Blaming others made it easier for me not to admit that I had a problem.
My confidence and self esteem was very low and I had trouble keeping in touch with friends and even family. I had stopped going out with friends and people that I worked with and very soon the invites stopped coming in my direction.  I felt safe and comfortable by myself and thought I didn’t need anyone. Thinking back now I know how silly and out of sync my thinking was.
My first night at GROW was very hard and strange, nothing made sense to me. The only good thing I saw was that everyone made me feel very welcome that night. I was asked to just sit back and listen to what was going on and not to say anything in case I may regret it when I went home that night. At the end of the meeting I was asked if I would come back next week and I did and now it was the most important decision I have every made and not regret.
The biggest thing I had to do once I got my blue book was to admit to myself that I was as the book puts it “inadequate or maladjusted to life”, horrible words but to me they were real, I was those words.  Now I was able to take responsibility for my life and all the wrongs in it, for one I could see that some things were my own fault. Being in the wrong was one of the many things I found the hardest to admit.
It took a lot of hard to get to where I am at the minute. My thinking and thoughts were controlled by pieces like ‘feelings are not facts’ and ‘feelings are like the weather’  Were once they were fuzzy and unclear they are now more positive and focused on the good in my life. 
Personal value was my very first piece and it made me take a long look at myself and teach me to see that no matter how I am I am important and special and no one can take that away from me. Once I started to believe that I was able to accept me for me,
My confidence has also grown with the thanks to GROW, my group, and the program. I found that I was able to allow myself to get involved in other things. I learned to swim and although I haven’t been in a while I will start it up again when the time is right for me. I have taken an interested in my physical being and trying to get fit is an ongoing task for me. In relation to GROW, I was made recorder and now have progressed onto organiser and attend the relevant meetings for them. I would attend the weekends away, been confident and comfortable with been in the company of strangers.
I know I have a long way to go to be completely content and happy with my life but with the support of the meetings every week I will be able to get there. Learning to work on one problem at a time was the key to getting me this far. I know that life is far from perfect and things do go wrong from time to time, but as long as I have the skills to overcome any of the troubles that may face me I know I will continue to grow in maturity and to strive for the happiness that I deserve to have in my life.