I think my story really begins nearly 36 years ago when I was 13 years of age. That year I became overcome by a deep black depression, and I knew for certain at the time that I was mentally ill. There was just no way that anyone could have felt as bad as I did and still be in normal health. I suffered on in silence for 3 years and then in my Leaving Cert year I insisted on seeing a psychiatrist.

I got very good exam results and went into a good job. After a year there I returned to college, where I had another very exciting year. However, in the beginning of second year I had a massive, near fatal breakdown. Nobody knew what was wrong with me. I was admitted to a general hospital where I underwent a battery of tests, including a lumpar puncture, the pain of which I will never forget. The hospital discharged me saying they could find nothing wrong, and advised my parents that if I did not recover they should have me admitted to a psychiatric hospital. This is what happened.

Then in January 2001 I had my second breakdown. It was not nearly as bad as the first one, but I was in hospital nonetheless for a month. This time I did discuss my illness with the doctors, and I accepted that that I had paranoid schizophrenia, which does not have a good prognosis. This however was the reality with which I had to deal.

When I came out of hospital I decided to try to get back to work. To do this I decided to get into a daily and weekly routine by going 20 miles to the Community Mental Health Centre four days a week on the Health Board bus. When I settled into the Centre, one of the nurses suggested that I attend GROW. I had had a brief contact with GROW four years before, but this time I was determined to learnt the Program and see if I could help myself recover.

There are two ways GROW helped me. The first way was socialising. I had been out of work so long, and with my form of mental illness I had become completely isolated. GROW started me mixing with people again. We had our weekly meeting. Then I went to bimonthly Leaders’ Meetings and that year I also went to the National Weekend in Kerdiffstown. For the first year this was the only socialising I did. Then over Christmas that year I realised that I really loved my little nieces, and the softening of my emotions towards people as a result caused me to go out and mix again in the community, and I joined a drama group and began attending Comhaltas music sessions as well as continuing my mixing with GROW.

The second way that GROW helped me was through the use of the Program. The Program is used constantly throughout meetings as a guide, and it is quoted in specific parts to help people with different problems. There were five ways in which the Program helped me. I say that it challenged me, it encouraged me, it corrected me, it educated me and it uplifted me.

Although I did not believe it myself when told that “the best in life and love and happiness was still ahead of me”, my experience over the past three years has been one of constant fulfilment and joy in life. I have rarely been as happy. The person who quoted this piece to me never said a truer word and it is all thanks to GROW, to the wisdom and guidance of its Program and to the people in it.