I have been a member of GROW since 1986. When I first joined I was suffering from depression and severe anxiety and at one point was taking sixteen tablets a day.

I had just been discharged from hospital where I was treated for my condition but I was lost as to where to go next with my life. Most people being discharged from psychiatric hospitals are very far removed from being cured. We may be over a crisis that led us there but for most of us, we have not even taken the first step on the road to recovery and that was me. Lost as to where to go next.

Like a lot of people in GROW, my problems were rooted in my childhood.  Our house was a mad house at times. I was probably the most serious child and I believe this was the result of having a squint in my eye. I came in for a bit of name calling both at school and at home and I took these remarks very seriously.

I have memories of crying at night with a blanket stuck in my mouth so my sisters would not hear me. I began to feel I was different from other children. I was happy to stay on my own and by the time I reached nine or ten I felt ugly and unlikable. This destroyed my confidence and I went into my teenage years a mess.

I was eighteen when the panic attacks first started. I truly hadn’t a clue what was happening to me, sitting at home one minute feeling fine and the next paralysed with fear.

I was put on medication from the word go and the next seven years were to take on a life of their own.

I felt so low, a low I find hard to describe that I started to think about suicide.  Death seemed a better option than the pain I was in and as a result of my constant suicidal thoughts and weight loss I had to go to hospital.

It was coming home from hospital that I found GROW. It was starting in Limerick and I attended the first meeting.

It didn’t mean much to me in the beginning and the Program was hard to follow. But with patience and perseverance, I “got it”.

The Program found a way into my life and I use it every day. It has taught me so much and helped me to achieve so much. It had taught me how to conserve my energy for bigger issues of life and not waste it on petty things.

I will end by saying that as a result of GROW I am a new person, with a confidence I never realised I could attain. To see someone crawl in the door to their first meeting and six-eight months down the road to see that person almost coming back to life again is nothing short of a miracle and I’m sure is what keeps me here.