Like everyone else I have a story to tell. Everybody’s story is unique and special in its own way. I write this in hope that it may help at least one person and to show no matter how alone or depressed one may feel there is a light at the end of every tunnel.
Like most people who come to GROW my problems were rooted to my childhood especially the years I spent at school due to my stammer. I was in for the normal remarks from the other students and I took these very seriously, which not only made me very anxious and blew my self-confidence but made me feel alone, isolated  and at times made me question why I was here.
I have memories of crying at night after school and hugging my pillow so nobody would hear me. I became very dependent on others to do my talking as I became more and more isolated.
But as a very determined person and with support from my speech therapist I finished my five years at school and passed my leaving cert, but often wonder what I could have achieved if I’d had the confidence to ask more questions and take part in conversations like the others.
For three years after school I spent the majority of my time at home unemployed and on the farm helping out and let other family members do my public duties but eventually I began to get bored and with the advice of family and close friends I decided to seek help.
From the word go I was put on medication and eventually I saw the changes in my behaviour, some have been good and some have been bad. I got myself a job on a FAS scheme and began to meet more people and found that not everyone was out there to judge me or make my life miserable but I became very obsessive and irrational with the people around me. I became an attention seeker which was the opposite of my early years, for the first time I felt wanted and respected and there was no reaction to my stammer.
This was all good but I knew this behaviour was not right either, and I became a more and more obsessive, and dare I say a torture to people around me, people who were just trying to be nice, kind and help me so I knew I needed help so I got referred to a behavioural therapist. Here I was told I had to control my over reactive emotions and change my behaviour and I received great support from my councillor but I knew I needed more and was recommended to GROW.
At first I was not sure if this would be for me and hesitated at the idea, driving past the entrance in Stranorlar many times until I found the courage to make the right decision.
The first night (OCT 2002) I arrived early as I knew it would be easier for me to meet one person than a group, and so this was the case.
The first person I met was the then fieldworker Mary and she made me feel very welcome and told me to not to worry and just relax. The group was new in the area at the time and this helped as I was not the only new one on the night so I just followed the steps of others.
It didn’t mean much to me at the beginning and the program seemed like a different language, but I was started on one liners and with patience and perseverance it made more sense not just in words but in meaning and eventually with the wisdom of GROW and the support of the people around me I was taught many things about myself and gave me great confidence in my ability to be my own person and I would urge anyone new or anyone finding this program difficult to be patient.
The Program found a way into my life and even these past few years when I’ve been absent I’ve always referred back to the pieces that helped me through the hard times, like “Never say I can’t  ,My feelings are like the weather” and most importantly to me  “ I go by what I know and not how I feel”. I’ve learned to not waste my energy worrying about small issues like other people’s opinions of me and save my energy for more important and more challenging issues.
Because of my lack of confidence and the build-up of anxiety looking back now it’s hard to believe after a few months of joining GROW how much I changed, I’ve become more organized, can set myself aims and targets I was writing GROW songs, going to and singing at events, I’m writing poetry, but most important to me was   becoming recorder of my group, the feeling of been trusted was amazing.
In 2006 with personal issues and work commitment I left GROW and it was a very hard decision to make for the first few years I seemed to be coping well but eventually after been laid off and rehired a few times life became hard and I found myself slip into some old habits of isolating myself again.
In August 2011 I was paid off indefinitely and this really brought me to a new low, I was still on my medication but asked to be referred back to my councillor and after a month or so I received my appointment, and attend on a monthly basis, my task in life is to build up my confidence and self-esteem and with past experience and the knowledge of the blue book I knew GROW was one place I needed to return to and rightly so.
Since I’ve returned I feel so much better and must add see GROW as a more exciting and developing organization than ever. The two hours of a weekly meeting is a place where not only do I meet some very encouraging friends but I can be myself and know the strains of everyday life are lifted,
I feel every day I’m returning to my old self the last two Sundays I’ve achieved two things I could only dream off in past, completing the North West 10k and climbing and walking a mountain, my confidence today is on a new level.
I want to take this opportunity to thank my fieldworkers for letting me share my story and to all who have helped, encouraged and guided me on the right road and as it says in the blue book wither it’s a rough road or smooth road its getting me there so I know that sticking with the program, being patient and with perseverance the best of life, love and happiness is surely ahead of me.